Clay and Renee's Story

     You may be wondering how we came up with “HolyHomes” as the name for this work we do.  It all comes out of the story of something God did in our home in 1998.   This is a very personal story.  Are you ready to get honest? With yourself and God?  We had to. Was it fun?  No…not exactly, but we are thankful for our “We Need to Talk” moment.
     In the summer of ‘98, Renee and I were about to sit down in church one Sunday morning when I turned to her and asked if she would get a babysitter for our daughters that afternoon.  I said, “Because Renee…we need to talk.”
     |
   Heavy words, “We need to talk.”  Renee must have been scrambling in her mind wondering just what we needed to talk about.  When we got home we sat down in our family room and I began to get honest with Renee about a struggle I had been dealing with for most of my life. Without jumping right in, I started by telling her that I wanted to be a better husband and father. I could tell she didn’t want to hear that, but wanted to know what we “needed” to talk about. I told her that I wanted to be the spiritual leader of our home. Again, I could tell that she was anxiously thinking “Okay honey, but what do we need to talk about?” 


    I told her that I had never physically committed adultery, but that in my mind I had, many times. I knew what the Bible said about that. “If a man lusts after a woman, he has committed adultery with her in his heart.” I took her back to the 4th grade and the first time that I saw pornography. I really believe that this was the beginning of my struggle. I’m not sure if I ever became officially addicted, but still, I would justify seeing the stuff.  I would make lame excuses to myself.  This all took place before our marriage. When we got married in 1990 I thought that struggle would be over. After all, being married I’d have a release for those desires.  I was wrong.
        |
   The confession that Sunday in 1998 was that porn had re-entered my life and that I was seeing it without her knowing.  I was so ashamed and sick of myself that I just had to tell her.  We are so close and such best friends that it just had to come out, to her.
     We have written a book that details the entire process of the confession, the forgiveness and healing that took place in our marriage.  That little talk that afternoon was an absolute must. It HAD to happen.
     It was painful.  It was tough.  But I’ve got to tell you, it began the best season of growth that either of us had ever experienced.  That day was the worst, but it led to the best.  God’s best!
     What we have since discovered is that the porn was just a symptom of something worse.  That’s right. A symptom of a man not fully devoted to God or to his marriage and family.
     We were a Christian couple who went to church but we never really read God’s word or prayed.  Read that again.  Christians that did not pray or read God’s word. 
     So you see, the porn was not the biggest problem in our marriage. Nope, it was just a symptom of the core problem.  We were not completely focused on God.
     Through this, we both re-committed our lives to Christ and began to look at our lives and our home in a different way. We wanted it to be different.  Special.  Rare.  Set-apart for God.
     |
   Here’s a verse that rocked us that year. “Let yourselves be pulled into a way of life, energetic and blazing with holiness; God said, ‘I am Holy, you be holy’.” I Peter 1:15        Hence the name HolyHomes!

In the list of options above to the left, ask yourself, “Where do I find myself as I read this?” 

Maybe you still need to talk. If so click on the "Haven't Talked Yet...But Need To?" link.

Maybe you've talked, but now don't know what to do.  Click "Already Talked.  Now What?" 

Or maybe things are pretty good in your home.  You've made a strong commitment to God.  Click "In A Good Place? Great!"